Of Living their Lives, remembering our loved ones on their passing away, what form of mourning we adopt, is all very personal and subjective. There is NO one way to bid adieu, which we perhaps never do, but as a form of prayer for the departed, society has adopted norms, some traditional, and some new and unique. So, a typical prayer service can also be called “a celebration of a life’, to be held in a style and substance that was dear to the departed. It can be safely understood, that all lives were dear, they were loved and will be missed by the friends and family. But how to make that last act of prayer, to pray for the departed soul.
Recently, the historic adman Piyush Pandey passed on; at his prayer service, his niece and close family friends were seen in a not so serious mood, perhaps sharing a smile. The social media took up the subject, how the family was not seen in ‘mourning’; the family put out posts, naturally, to say they know what they were doing, as best as they do, to mourn a life of laughter and good humour and wit.
A similar incident panned out around the same time. Actor Satish Shah, veteran comedian, one who made the world laugh, passed away. At his prayer ceremony, noted singer sang Shah’s most loved song, Tere Mere Sapne, from the motion film Guide, and in between reached out to Shah’s wife, Madhu, and made her sing along with him; battling Alzheimer, she did join in that moment of her remembering her husband. A most touching farewell, indeed.
A little while back, a most beloved golfer, day long figure at either Gymkhana Club or the Delhi Golf Course, Rattan Malhotra, who worked his life at ITC, passed away. At his prayer ceremony, held at Party Cottage, it was an intimate affair between 6 pm to 9 pm, over drinks, with Black Label, Rattan’s favourite drink, being passed around. Just a handful of memories were shared – one from K P Singh, chairman, DLF, who was his friend of many years; R C Bhargava, chairman, Maruti, who has Rattan’s samdhi, one of Rattan’s sons is married to Bhargava’s daughter; and Anil Rajput, representing ITC, the corporate that Rattan worked for, through his lifetime. Each speaker only remembered the fun time spent with Rattan, while an audience of a hundred sipped Black Label and enjoyed snacks.
Deepak Nirula, from the founding family of Nirula’s ice cream, passed away just a few years back, at a young age, when one would mourn more being a young man’s death. At the family farmhouse, in Rajokri, some few hundred assembled – no speeches, no mourning sangeet, only some western music played, which Deepak loved. A large portrait was placed for mourners to come and offer rose petals. Wine and cheese flowed freely, with friends and family, in a simple celebration of a good life Deepak had, till illness struck him; his last many months saw severe distress.
At another prayer service, one that I attended only very recently, on the passing away of one of India’s leading inbound tour operators, Krishna Poddar, director, Orient Express, the prayers were composed of the traditional bhajans; in the wrap up, his son, Manish, spoke just a few sentences – to the effect that his dad hated speeches, he found them boring, he had no patience for listening to them. Thus, no speeches today, either; that is the way he lived, and that is the way the family wanted to respect his memory.
Of course, food or music, or whatever, is not the criterion in itself; whatever befits the lifestyle, likes and dislikes of the deceased, is the appropriate route to take. It is more and more seen as a celebration of a life, in a manner that would make the departed happy, at peace with himself, there is no rule, no stipulations. These are not time for onlookers to be judgemental, just leave it to family and loved ones. They are the ones who know best.
